The Scariest Moment: 8 Boxes of Tissues

Last year Bjorn got extremely wobbly and couldn’t walk properly.  He went from fine to very not fine in a week and a half.  After a few wrong diagnosis, a week in the hospital, he was signed up for spinal surgery.  

During an ultrasound, “And there is your baby!” And you nod excitedly at a blob, wondering if you are looking is the correct blob. 

This was the opposite of that.  After a CT scan of his neck, it was incredibly obvious what the issue was. THERE. There is what is wrong, no questions, his spine was compressing his nerves making it so he couldn’t walk.    

Surgery.  My family flew down from Alaska to take care of the Littles so that I could be fully present with him at the hospital.  

During his surgery, I sat in the waiting room cranking out pot holders.  Baylie under stress makes a prolific amount of crochet pot holders.  The other day I sat on the sofa making one and Bjorn noticed out of the corner of his eye and dropped his book in his lap, “What’s wrong?!?!”  In this case, we simply needed them for the kitchen, he met that with a big laugh of relief.  

In the case of his surgery, it was extreme stress that had me hooking. I made three pot holders watching other families get collected and taken back to their loved ones.  

Finally.  My turn.  The doctor came out “Mrs. Carlson?” 

He didn’t take me back through the big double doors to my loved one, he veered and took me back to the little side room.  I took it in, small room.  Chairs.  8 tissue boxes.  

This is it.  They are going to tell me he didn’t make it and here I am alone with enough tissue for an entire cheerleading squad and all I wanted to do was vomit.  

“I have been doing surgery for over fifteen years and I’ve never had this experience…”

My ears started ringing.  The vomit was getting closer to being a reality.  

“When administering anesthesia, we always ask patients to describe their favorite place.  Most people describe a beach, or a cabin, one lady described Disney World.  Your husband described you, being with you, doing anything with you.” 

Me still confused wondering, IS HE DEAD?!?! 

“He is fine.  Surgery went perfect.  We can go back and see him now, I just wanted you to know how much he loves you.”  

Bjorn loves me.  A lot.  He loves me so much that he describes me as his favorite place and supports my crazy.  

Example: Blossette.  During a pandemic when the world is closing down, during one of our most skint times for us financially, he believed in me and we invested as much as we could for us to start this.  He loves me enough to believe in me.  

Thank you for supporting us and believing in us too.